Archive | November, 2012

Swamp Foot, Facebook, Photoshop, and Complete Foolishness

23 Nov

Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror screaming, “What were you thinking, you fool?” Today is one of those days. My girlfriend, Sara, likes to run every morning along the Highline Park path here in New York City.

After her run, Sara rushes into the bathroom for a shower where she scrubs her feet with a peppermint sugar scrub. I tease her about this and call her Swamp Foot.

Up until a few hours ago, I have only called her Swamp Foot, or Swampy, in private, and she always giggled and acted like it was cute. I like to make girls giggle, so this is something that I have been certain to continue doing.

I thought it would be funny to make a meme about Sara as Swamp Foot. I Photoshopped a pair of green, pus covered feet onto a pic of Sara while she was asleep so it looked like Sara had this horrible foot infection that might be lethal. I added the caption, “Swamp Foot Is Real,” and then I posted it on Facebook and tagged Sara. I thought she would love it and giggle like she does when I tease her in private. This was a very bad judgment call on my part.

A few of our friends who know us in real life commented first with horror asking when this had happened to Sara. Sara’s mother commented demanding that she immediately wanted Sara to come home to see her family doctor. To make things worse, there were people I only know online commenting about how such a pretty girl is cursed with monster feet. One guy said Swamp Foot was too kind a term for the ghastly sight.

Sara’s mother called her seven times in a row while Sara was only twenty minutes into a meeting with a potentially new client she has been wooing for weeks. Since her mom called over and over again, Sara thought someone had died, so she excused herself from the meeting. It took her fifteen minutes to convince her mother not to fly to New York and drag her to the doctor. In the time it took her to get her mother off of the phone, the potentially new client decided to leave.

I am in trouble when she comes home, and I have no idea how to make up for costing her new business.

Winter Weather Wear and Mishaps Along the Way

22 Nov

It’s so cold in New York right now! I love New York in the winter, but I have always done my best to stay very warm in the cold, cold weather.

I wear many layers, so sometimes I have to make myself comfortable in the homes other people. This can create some uncomfortable situations.

For example, I went with my girlfriend to have dinner and watch old movies with a friend of hers, Leila. Leila has a boyfriend with a quick temper, and when he walked in on me half dressed in her bathroom, he assumed the worst. It was perfectly innocent, but Matthew could not see that no matter how hard we tried to convince him.

I said, wait, Matthew, that’s not what’s going on here. He said he was no fool, and then he started screaming at Leila about how she could do such a thing with two other people. I said, but she didn’t and we didn’t. He finally calmed down, and my girlfriend won’t let me take off my long John’s anymore until we get home. It means that I am very hot a lot.

Here is a breakdown of my daily wear during the winter: I wear two layers of fleece long johns under two sweaters and a coat. It is important to keep my hands, feet, and head warm, so I wear two pair of socks under winter boots. On my hands, I wear down gloves, and for my head, I wear a warm winter hat with lambskin lining and ear flaps. It is imperative that I also wear two scarves wrapped around my face. This makes it very, very warm as I walk down the city streets in bone chilling weather, but it can be unbelievably hot indoors where heat is cranked up very high.

Stormy Weather: New Yorkers Entertaining Each Other

16 Nov

Things have been really intense in New York City lately. If you have not heard, we have been experiencing some major storms. Superstorm Sandy kicked off the season of weird weather by flooding some of my favorite parts of town, and then a Nor’Easter came along to make everything cold, snowy, and a little scary. My girlfriend and some of my friends who live in my neighborhood have been making the most of it with me.

When Sandy hit, we lost power for a week, so we had a lot of fun finding recipes that we could cook on the roof with a grill. We had grilled pineapple slices with some chicken that we had the first day. We had to cook all of the meat in our collective kitchens as quickly as possible.

We made up a drinking game that correlate to weather, the election, and every major religious holiday that we have ever celebrated. The way the game works is this: we go around in a circle telling a story about a time that we had a lot of fun or a lot of no fun. If a holiday, election, or bad weather is anywhere in the story, everyone drinks. By election, even an election involving homecoming, student council seats, and even junior high school elections would count. I was surprised at how many times we drank. We finished off all of the wine we had pretty quickly, too, but we were able to buy more when we needed it.

Drinking was not the only thing we did to wait out the storm and the lack of electricity. One night, we put on our own fashion show in one of my neighbor’s apartments. There were about ten of us crammed into a one bedroom apartment, and we all took turns on the cat walk.
Who says grown-ups can’t play make believe? Staying healthy has a lot to do with staying a kid, after all.

Dangers of Football Fandom

5 Nov

My girlfriend Mae is from the south, SEC football country to be specific. So, early on in our relationship Football became a major shared “like” between us. My friends all think I am the luckiest guy, having a girl that loves watching ESPN and keeping up with injury reports as much as I do.
Recently, we got to attend a New York Giants game, watching Eli Manning and his team edge out a victory over the visiting Washington Redskins. It was our first time to go to an actual game. What most of my friends don’t realize about New York City is that both of our professional football teams actually play their games in New Jersey. Anyone who has been to see the Giants or the Jets will tell you that the traffic is insane. So, we usually catch the game over at Fiddlesticks on Greenwich Avenue. It has a great Irish pub style atmosphere and food, with the added benefit of large televisions playing the hottest games.
Sports fans in New York City are some of the most vocal in the country. Here, we yell at the television as if the players and coaches themselves were standing only feet away.
Tensions can become high, even in public settings. Not too long ago, Mae and I were out at a local pub and a fan of a rival club began getting a bit hostile with me for routing for the opposing team. He got in my face, so close I could smell the Guinness fresh on his breath. Mae was tugging on my shirt, telling me sweetly in her soft southern accent that it was “time to get out of here.” Of course, being a man I had to defend my ground, not backing down. Oh, and did I mention that this guy was like a foot taller than me and built like Charles Atlas? No, well let me tell you it wouldn’t have been pretty.
Lucky for me, an off-duty officer was in the bar and quickly came over preventing any physical scuffle from occurring. In the end, the guy and I ended up doing shots together and acting like best friends. That’s just another great aspect of this city, one minute we are at odds, but we have short fuses and quickly recover.