Five Horrible Break Up Ideas

6 Mar

I am still single and heartbroken, people. My soul has been completely crushed. I may as well be laying in the middle of the street waiting to be run over by a giant truck. Instead of just feeling sorry for myself, I have used my freshly found free time to create a list of things you should never, ever do when going through a breakup.
1.            Do not drink and use electronic devices. If you are going to drown your sorrows with a bottle of Johnny Walker Red, then you will do it without access to the internet, your phone, your email, any form of social media, and the world. Really, do you want to wake up tomorrow and see that you announced on Twitter that you are a miserable sad sack without your girlfriend? You do not want to be that guy.
2.            Do not call your ex every day. Do not call her at all. If she dumped you, then she needs to see what life without you is like. She may not like it, but if you are calling her every day, she is not living without you. She is just living without a commitment to you.
3.            Do not walk or ride near their home to see if you “happen” to run into each other. That is both creepy and illegal.
4.            Do not seek greater understanding of the reasons why they left you. If they left, then they don’t want to answer your questions. You will have a greater chance of rekindling the relationship if you give plenty of space.
5.            Do not talk to his or her friends. This is a great way to let them make you the butt of a joke, a jerk, or a pathetic loser pining away. If you say good things, they will think you are a sucker. If you say bad things, you will look like a jerk. It’s a no win situation, so just stay away from it.

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